The Life I Always Wanted

A billionaire once told me that the people on the plane with him didn’t really like him.

They were only his friends because of what he could do for them.

That stayed with me. Here was someone who could afford so much of what the world tells us to want, wondering whether the people beside him cared about him at all.

After everything I had experienced, those words settled somewhere deep. I knew that the life I was working so hard to prove I belonged in wasn’t the life I wanted.

If I’m honest, I had always known.

I wanted a family. Some chickens and a garden. A dog and a cat. A loving husband and beautiful children to experience life with. A home where we felt safe, loved, and comfortable being ourselves.

But for years, I kept moving away from that simple dream, trying to become someone other people would think was enough.

Trying to Be Enough

I never felt particularly good about myself.

Through childhood, my teenage years, and well into adulthood, I was a people pleaser. I wanted to be liked. I wanted to be useful. I wanted someone to see me and decide I was worth keeping around.

I found myself drawn to wounded boys I thought I could help fix. I gave more than I should have, believing that if I loved someone enough, or understood them enough, things would get better.

Too often, I came away more hurt.

Then I had the opportunity to become a commercial flight attendant, and something changed.

I came out of my shell. I met people, explored new places, laughed, and had fun. I was happy. There was a whole world opening up around me, and I was discovering parts of myself I hadn’t known were there.

Somewhere between commercial aviation and private aviation, I met the love of my life—the man who is now my husband.

I had always wanted a loving husband and a family to experience life with. Meeting him was the beginning of that dream becoming real, even while I was still figuring out who I was and what made me feel worthy.

When I was approached about working in private aviation, I thought, This is it.

I could show everyone who hadn’t believed in me how far I could go. Look at the places I was seeing. Look at the people I was flying with. Look at what I could do.

I enjoyed parts of that work. But underneath the excitement, I was still trying to prove my worth.

What That World Cost Me

Private aviation brought extraordinary experiences, but it also showed me how small you can feel when someone believes money entitles them to anything they want.

Sometimes I felt like I was there to perform: smile, make it happen, keep everyone happy, and never need anything myself.

To be fair, I didn’t have many bad experiences with passengers. The experience that ended that chapter for me involved a member of the flight crew.

A pilot pushed his way into my room and cornered me.

I emailed the owner, crying and deeply upset, explaining what had happened. At first, the response felt sympathetic. I was told that the pilot hadn’t understood that a woman being nice wasn’t flirting.

Two weeks later, I received an email saying that replacing and training a pilot would cost more than keeping me on was worth.

That was the end of my job.

I could have gone to another company. I could have continued flying charters. But that experience left me struggling for a long time.

The feeling I had carried for years—that I wasn’t good enough—suddenly felt confirmed.

I can see now that their decision said nothing about my worth. At the time, I couldn’t separate the two.

Around those years, my dad was also living with a rare form of dementia. He died at just 53.

Watching him need the kind of care an infant needs was heartbreaking. As we tried to cope, my family fell apart.

And still, I tried to be everything everyone else needed. I kept reaching for something impressive enough to make me feel valued.

I didn’t understand yet that I already had value.

The Family We Made

Then my first daughter arrived.

She changed my life.

Then came my second daughter, and with the family we grew and the home we made, I began to recognize the life I had always wanted.

There was so much meaning in caring for them. In watching them discover something new. In being there for the ordinary moments that, together, make a childhood.

But even then, I struggled with feeling like I had to be a certain version of myself for everyone else.

If I couldn’t be “fun Jen,” I would go missing from my friendships. When I was struggling, overwhelmed, or simply didn’t have the energy to be upbeat and entertaining, I would pull away. I didn’t know how to show up as the quieter, hurting version of myself. I worried that without the fun, I wasn’t enough.

That was how deeply the need to please had settled into me. Even friendship could feel like something I had to earn.

And as time passed, that familiar pressure to impress people returned, too. I took a job with a private jet company where I was expected to be available around the clock, seven days a week, while being paid for 40 hours.

I tried to make it work.

Then I thought perhaps selling travel was the answer. Soon I was swept up in bigger, better, more luxurious. The best trips. The best clients. Chartering planes. Making everything exceptional.

Once again, I found myself giving so much and feeling poorly treated.

And eventually, I had to ask myself:

Why am I working so hard for other people’s approval?

Coming Home to Myself

I am happiest here.

Making something in the kitchen. Coming up with an idea and finally finding the courage to share it. Taking care of my family. Making our home feel warm. Tending the garden and caring for our animals.

I love creating digitally, too. That part of me belongs here alongside the recipes, the chickens, and the everyday work of caring for a home.

For so long, I let other people’s opinions decide whether I could feel proud of myself. I overcompensated. I tried to impress. I made room for people who took more than they gave.

I’m learning to stop.

I’m a stay-at-home mom. I make new recipes, grow things, create, and care for the people and animals I love. I have ideas I want to bring into the world.

I don’t need to make that life sound more impressive before I’m allowed to enjoy it.

Welcome to The Well Worn Life

The Well Worn Life begins here, with me finally sharing the things I love.

Home-cooked food. Homemade comforts. Homegrown goodness. Old things with stories and new things that fit into the life we’re making. Family, creativity, and the pleasure of slowing down enough to enjoy what’s in front of us.

There will be recipes, garden dirt, well-loved finds, and projects that don’t always turn out the way I planned. There will be a real home and a real person behind it all.

I spent years trying to show everyone what I could become.

Now I want to enjoy being who I am.

And I love who I am.

Welcome to The Well Worn Life. I’m glad you’re here.